HOLIDAY FLICKS

Holiday Movies With Billy Disaster #1. Last night Wendy was like...”BILLY DISASTER! WHY ARE YOU SHOVING THE CHRISTMAS TREE IN THE FIREPLACE??”...and I was like...”BECAUSE I JUST WATCHED SCROOGED, AND NOW CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!...HAPPY FESTIVUS!”...In my opinion Billy Murray is a great supporting actor, but not a good lead. His drunk uncle one trick pony schtick got old real fast in this movie. I’m guessing people love this movie because they saw it when they were kids in the 80’s (for the ladies)..(my favorite rhyme).. this was the first time I saw it so I didn’t have nostalgia on my side. And it suuuucked!! If you don’t know what it’s about, read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens and imagine it in a shitty 80s movie. 1 Santa for Scrooged🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be The Holiday.

Holiday Flicks With Billy Disaster #2. Last night’s movie was The Holiday starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet and Jude Law. So just when I thought I was done with chick flicks, you guys recommend this movie. And now I have overdosed. How do I know?..#1...I think I’m growing boobs now. #2...I have the strongest urge to go shopping. #3...I really just want to sit and visit for a really REALLY long time. #4... Rosè all Day!..This movie was the chickest flick I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty good. It was about Diaz and Winslet swapping homes for a couple of weeks to get away from their complicated lives and relationships for a while. Winslet trades her British cottage with Diaz and her Hollywood palace. They each meet guys that they fall in love with and (spoiler) live happily ever after. Diaz, Winslet and Law are really awesome and authentic. Jack Black is embarrassingly miscast and almost throws the whole movie off, However, Eli Wallach pulls it back together. BTW, this barely qualifies as a holiday movie but it still gets 3 Santa’s🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Elf.

Holiday Flicks With Billy Disaster #3. Last nights movie was Elf starring Ron Burgundy, Santino Corleone and Bob Newhart. I can see why this is so many people’s favorite holiday movie. It’s perfect for the child of all ages. It’s fun to watch and totally put me in the holiday spirit. It’s like this movie is a member of the family. I’m sure everyone knows what it’s about so I’ll just select a couple of my favorite scenes. One of them is when Elf finds himself working at the department store and calls out the working Santa (the great Artie Lang) for being a fraud. “You’re sitting on a throne of lies!”...but the best is where Elf thinks Peter Dinklage is a fellow Elf and Dinklage gets fucking pissed! Hilarious!!...and also maybe the greatest shower scene since Psycho. 5 Santas for Elf🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Jingle Jangle.

Holiday Flicks With Billy Disaster #4. Last night’s movie was Jingle Jangle starring Forest Whitaker, Ricky Martin (who is surprisingly awesome) and Keegan-Michael Key. It was recommended by one of my Holy Names students that always has good recommendations. When I first turned this movie on I thought “oh no...there’s some serious over acting here”...and then I thought “oh shit, this isn’t a musical is it?..I don’t know if I’m in the mood for this”...You see, I’m an intolerable snob when it comes to musicals. I love old musicals from my grandmother‘a era, but generally hate modern musicals. Les Miserables? No...Wicked? I fell asleep. I just don’t get them. But I stuck with it and I’m so glad I did. This may almost be an instant classic. It’s artful and clever. It’s a cool story with some good characters and a few great one liners. Part Willy Wonka (original) and part Harry Potter (1st one). Definitely a family flick. 4 Santas for Jingle Jangle🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be A Bad Moms Christmas.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #5. Last nights movie was A Bad Moms Christmas starring Mila Kunis, Susan Sarandon and the awesome Kathryn Hahn among others. This movie is a sequel to the super funny Bad Moms. And it is almost just as good . I love degenerate characters. I love debaucherous humor and I love little kids that swear. Kathryn Hahn is like the Jim Belushi of female comics. She is a master of her art. “Let’s put the ass back in Christmass!” Cheryl from Curb Your Enthusiasm is surprisingly funny in this as well. And Mila Kunis is perfect in her lead role as she was in Bad Moms 1. This movie got bad reviews because most movie critics are pompous assholes with no sense of humor. The only downsides to the movie are Kunis’ lame vanilla boyfriend and the attempt at jerking tears towards the end. 4 Santas for A Bad Moms Christmas🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be Christmas Vacation. (I can’t wait to finally see this one)

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #6. Last nights movie was National Lampoons Christmas Vacation starring sparky Griswold, Cousin Eddie, and Aunt Bethany. I finally got to see this holiday classic last night. I have no idea why it’s taken me so long since I love the original Vacation. Just like Elf (HFWBD #3), you’ve all seen this one so I’ll just point out my favorite scenes. My very favorite scene is Aunt Bethany‘s blessing at dinner. The timing of the whole thing was so perfect I had to recover from laughing so hard. Clark Griswold is like the original Will Ferrel with his combination of pratfalls and his sentimental humor. And it was so awesome when he lost his shit about his cheap lying no good rotten four flushing lowlife snake licking dirt eating inbred overstuffed ignorant bloodsucking dog kissing brainless dickered hopeless heartless fat ass bug eyed stiff legged spotty lipped worm headed sack of monkey shit boss! 5 Santas for Christmas Vacation🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be Bad Santa.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #7. Last nights movie was Bad Santa starring Jack Tripper. Roger Ebert gave this shit movie 3.5 stars. (This is a guy that hated Fast Times at Ridgemont High). In fact most critics gave this one good reviews. Their reasons are all the same. They love that adults finally got a dark Christmas comedy and that it breaks conventional Hollywood rules. And I call bullshit on all those losers. Everything about this movie was really, really lame. The jokes were so stupid as was the entire screenplay. Almost every character is an asshole and the story was so amateur I wouldn’t be surprised if a 6th grader wrote it. I think I lost IQ points while watching this. 1 Santa for Bad Santa 🎅🏼

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #8. Last nights movie was Office Christmas Party starring T.J. Miller, Justine Bateman, and Jennifer Aniston. This movie was kinda fun to watch but just pretty Ok. The main problem with this one is that there were too many cast members. And all of the actors played predictable characters. (Bateman as the safe nice guy, Miller as the wild party guy and Aniston as the uptight CEO etc.). Had they centered the movie around two side characters (The Uber driver, and the security guard) this could’ve been awesome. They were the funniest characters. The best line of the movie was when Miller says “Shut the fuck door”. (it was refreshing because I cringe every time one of my wife’s friends says “shut the front door “. It’s sooo 2000 late! Give it up.! 2 Santas for Office Christmas Party🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Rare Exports.

Holiday Flicks With Billy Disaster #9. Last nights movie was Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale. This movie is about Santa Claus. But not the Santa Claus that we’ve been lying to our kids about. This Santa is an evil, child killing monster. Set in northern Finland, it’s about...well I won’t say what it’s about because it’s complicated. But I will say that it’s pretty good. Very unique and really well made. For the most part nothing is over done and the actors are believable in a fantasy setting. (Until the end where a couple of scenes kind of stray from the flow). Is it scary? Kinda...Is it a family Christmas movie? No...Would I recommend it? Sure...Am I having a conversation with myself? Ok..I’ll stop. 3 Santas for Rare Exports🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be The Santa Clause.

Holiday movies with Billy Disaster #10. Last nights movie was The Santa Clause starring Tim Allen and Brad from Fast Times. At first I was like “Damn, Tim Allen is such a jerk to his kid”. He’s an impatient, condescending prick of a Dad. And then I kinda understood because his kid (Charlie) is annoying and whiny. (“But Daaaad!”)🤢 . If fact none of the characters are likable in this movie . The story was promising but the only way to really enjoy this movie was to turn it into a drinking game (a shot for every cliché). They actually made a sequel to this shit?? No thanks. 1 Santa for The Santa Clause🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Little Women.

Holiday Flicks With Billy Disaster #11. Last night’s movie was Little Women (1994 Gillian Armstrong version) starring Batman and Winona Ryder♥️among others. Based on the semi autobiographical book by Louisa May Alcott that I’ve never read. But will now. Assuming you all have, I won’t summarize the story. I will say that I ended up watching this movie through the eyes of my grandmothers♥️, all who probably worshipped this story. I felt so much more empathetic to all the women in my life after watching this. Particularly my wife, my mother-in-law, my sister, and my two daughters. As well as my Grandmothers. Each of them played their own unique part in the feminist causes of their day and it was eye opening to see this movie shine a candle on it. Winona Ryder is unbelievably incredible in this movie. As are all the other actors (except maybe Batman who is fucking annoying). I think I’ll end up doing a part 2 of this review after I watch the other versions and read the book to do this justice. 5 Santas for Little Women🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Little Women the 2019 version.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #12. Last nights movie was Little Women (2019) starring Meryl Streep and Hermione from Harry Potter. I would love to give this movie a detailed review, but I fell asleep halfway through due to boredom. This one is nowhere near as good as the Winona Ryder version. It kept jumping back-and-forth between years which was confusing. And it just didn’t advance the story very well. It’s too bad. I was so stoked that my daughter Sadie♥️ wanted to watch it with me. Even she was like “I’m sooo bored Billy Disaster!...Hey! Wake up Dad! You’re snoring!” Sadie gave this 1 Santa but I’m adding another for all the LW lovers out there. 2 Santas for Little Women 2019🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be Fatman.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #13. Last nights movie was Fatman starring Mel Gibson and Marianne Jean Baptiste, Who are actually the only two likable characters in this movie. Everyone else is pretty much an asshole. Especially the kid. It’s a really weird movie about Chris Kringle (Gibson) Who is suffocating under the weight of the difficult position of being Santa Claus. Meanwhile there’s this dickhead rich kid Who hires a hitman to assassinate Santa Claus because he got a piece of coal in his stocking. I will say it is Christmas movie like no other. It’s like a kids movie but with a lot of killing and adult language...” Who are you looking for?”...” Santa Claus motherfucker” .... then Santa gets a military contract and everything just becomes a mess. Just like this review. 2 Santas for Fatman🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be It’s A Wonderful Life.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #14. Last nights movie was It’s A Wonderful Life starring James Stewart and Donna Reed. (1947 black and white version). Did you ever hear the story about how Willie Nelson had all his stuff auctioned off by the IRS because his accountant didn’t pay his taxes? And then a ton of farmers that had benefited from Willie Nelson‘s Farm Aid concerts came and bought all the stuff and then gave it back to Willie Nelson. That’s what this movie reminded me of. I’ve heard people do impressions of James Stewart all my life, so it was fun to finally see him in a movie. And he was so cool. And so was Donna Reed. The social commentary in this movie was awesome and I’ll probably watch this every Christmas. 5 Santas for It’s A Wonderful Life🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be Mixed Nuts.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #15. Last nights movie was Mixed Nuts starring Madeline Kahn and Steve Martin. This movie was recommended to me by someone who warned me that she watched it in a “special mood”...and well, that may be the only way to enjoy this one. This was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even make it halfway through. I actually started dry heaving when Adam Sandler🤢made his appearance. The only thing that made me happy about this was that it lost like 13 million dollars. And Madeline Kahn who is funny no matter what she does. But what a waste of a killer cast (except Adam Sandler) I hope I never see this movie again. 1 Santa for Mixed Nuts🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be The Night Before.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #16. Last nights movie was The Night Before starring Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie. The “buddy movie, sentimental storyline and Christmas theme” are just plain and predictable but necessary side shows to the real feature here....This movie is about Seth Rogen getting FuuuuuuuuCKED UP!...This was my favorite performance of Seth Rogen’s ever. He taps into Hunter S. Thompson but makes it his own. It gets pretty crude but he owns it well enough to forgive any uncomfortability. But all the other parts of this movie are just plain. And I hate when the screen writers feel the need to use lines to make the actors talk like “kids these days”..(guys calling each other DAWG..and forcing “izzle” into too many words.. embarrassing)🤢. So this would be a 2 Santa movie but Rogen adds another Santa for carrying The Night Before🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be Four Christmases”

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #17. Last nights movie was Four Christmases starring Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. There are movies where I like Vince Vaughn, but this is not one of them. He takes the sensitive modern city boy schtick to such a cringy level I wanted to kick him repeatedly. He’s almost like the girlfriend in his relationship with the much better Reese Witherspoon. Luckily this movie plays this up with some great side characters like his Dad (Robert Duvall) and his brother (Jon Favreau, Who kicks him repeatedly for me). The comedy in the middle section of this movie is pretty damn good. And the premise is promising. Vaughn and Witherspoon’s parents are both divorced, so they have four houses to go to for Christmas. They’ve never met each other‘s families and that’s where the laughs come in. But then they ruin it in the end by being average Hollywood. Like Vince Vaughn. 2 Santas for Four Christmases🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be Fred Claus starring Vince Vaughn.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #18. Last nights movie was Fred Claus starring Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti. I told Mrs. Disaster that I wasn’t really looking forward to this one because Vince Vaughn let me down big time in Four Christmases and for the terrible reviews. Almost every critic slammed Fred Claus for being too much like Elf and Bad Santa, which is bullshit! First of all, Vaughn redeems himself in this movie. Second of all, Giamatti is the best Santa I’ve ever seen. And third of all it also features my celebrity ex-girlfriend Rachel Weisz . The comedy is solid and the story is well thought out. It’s also a total family flick. All the critics that hated Fred Santa can kiss my ass cuz I’m giving it 4 Santas🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Miracle on 34th Street (1947).

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #19. Last nights movie was Miracle on 34th St. (1947) starring Edmund Gwenn and Natalie Wood. I wanted to turn this movie off during the first 30 minutes. Gwenn (Santa) was such an annoying creep I wanted to shitcan Christmas altogether this year. And then I also felt like I was watching an old commercial for Macy’s. The only thing that kept me going was Maureen O’Hara who plays Wood’s divorced and progressive mother. I was pretty glad I stuck with it. The court room scene was cool and I ended up really appreciating the screenplay. There was some very clever dialogue that was delivered beautifully. All of that said, I expected so much more out of this. (Do you guys recommend the remakes?) 3 Santas for Miracle on 34th St.🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 .

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #21. Last nights movie was It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947) starring Victor Moore and the smokin hot Gale Storm. This movie was about a hobo (Moore) who is a squatter in a Manhattan mansion while the owner spends the season in Virginia using all of the owners clothes and belongings. He ends up taking in another homeless guy just home from the war. Soon after, the daughter of the owner (Storm) shows up to the mansion but doesn’t let on who she is because she’s got the hots for the homeless G.I. and doesn’t want him to fall in love with her just because she’s rich. There is a lot more to the story, and more characters show up. All in all this movie was really charming and the characters are all cool. I’m pretty sure Victor Moore was drunk while filming . 4 Santa for It Happened on 5th Avenue🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Holiday Inn (Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby!)

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #22. Last nights movie was Holiday Inn starring Fred Astaire , Bing Crosby and Virginia Dale. There is a lot to love about this one. Mainly the music of Irving Berlin and the dancing and charm of Fred Astaire. Virginia Dale is no Ginger Rogers but she’s still great and smokin hot. The story is basically a place holder for the song and dance numbers which is fine. if I’m gonna watch a musical, this is my jam. But then there’s Bing Crosby . I just don’t like him. His singing annoys me for some reason and he can hold Fred Astaire‘s beer all day. And then there is the unfortunate black face number. They try to pass it off as non racist by singing a song about Abraham Lincoln but, well, you know. It’s racist. Fuck you Bing Crosby. 3 Santas for Holiday Inn🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be Last Holiday (Queen Latifah!).

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #23. Last nights movie was Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah and LL Cool J. I’ve been a fan of Queen Latifahs since I saw her perform at Bumbershoot back in the 1900’s. She truly put on one of the best shows I’d ever seen. And in this movie she delivers a super likable and delightful character. Her smile and earnestness just puts me in a good mood. In this movie QL plays a department store sales clerk and aspiring chef who gets diagnosed with a terminal illness with about 3 weeks to live. So she decides to cash in her 401k and savings bonds to live it up in a little spa village in the Czech Republic where her favorite chef’s restaurant is. She goes all out checking things off of her bucket list. Some comedic misunderstandings take place and...well I won’t give away the whole story. Ultimately this movie just feels good and leaves you with an inspiring and comforting perspective on life. And it has the super foxy Alicia Witt . 4 Santas for Last Holiday🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight’s movie will be White Reindeer.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #24 (SPECIAL BONUS EDITION!). Last nights bonus movie was Krampus starring Adam Scott and David Koechner. When I think of Gods masterpieces of humanity, I think Beethoven, Da Vinci, Mrs. Disaster, and now Krampus . This movie lets the genius of Adam Scott shine like Christmas lights on an angel from heav.....just kidding....this is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Adam Scott is one of my least favorite actors and this movie is a total mess. It’s supposed to be a horror/comedy Christmas flick, but it’s not very funny and the horror side of it just looks cheap. It’s trying to be a Christmas Vacation with an evil Santa and...well...no thanks. (Sorry Cassandra). 1 Santa for Krampus🎅🏼 . Tomorrow nights bonus movie will be The Ref.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #25. Last nights movie was The Ref starring Kevin Spacey and Dennis Leary. This ones about a burglar who has a burglary go wrong and ends up having to take hostages. Unfortunately for him, these hostages are a couple (Spacey and Judy Davis) with marital problems in mid argument. The bickering between these two is so well done that I suspect the writer of the story (Marie Weiss) was having marital problems herself. The dialogue is just too good...Anyway, Leary has these held hostage in their house which is about to be invaded by family visiting for Christmas. Some funny shit happens and some necessary and unnecessary drama occurs to advance the story. It’s a fun watch. 3 Santas for The Ref🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight‘s movie will be White Reindeer.

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #26. Last nights movie was White Reindeer starring Anna Margaret Hollyman and Laura Lemar-Goldsborough. This one’s about a young woman (Hollyman) who has her perfect life in motion. Suburban, normal, loving husband etc. Then just before Christmas she comes home to find her husband has been killed. Soon after, she finds out her husband had been cheating on her with a STRIPPER named Autumn. So she goes to the STRIP CLUB to find Autumn and they end up becoming friends. The rest of the movie is about how Hollyman copes with all of this by DOING TONS OF COKE and going to her neighbors awkward SEX PARTY and SHOPLIFTING etc....and that’s it.....We never find out who killed her husband and the “Christmas” ending is pretty weird. Very indie movie-esque. So obviously this is an instant holiday classic that we’ll watch with our families every year. 3 Santas for White Reindeer🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . Tonight will be the final Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster. White Christmas starring Bing Crosby

Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster #27. Last nights movie was White Christmas starring Danny Kaye and Vera-Elle . This movie is kind of a sequel to Holiday Inn (HFWBD#22) and also features the music of Irving Berlin. The story is about Kaye and his singing partner Bing Crosby joining Vera-Ellen and Rosemary Clooney to do a Christmas show. There’s a constant hint of romance where Ellen has the hots for Kaye, but gets nowhere because Kaye has the hots for Bing. But Bing doesn’t get the hint so nothing romantic really happens. When it comes to the song and dance action of the movie Vera-Ellen is the star of the show followed by Kaye. Clooney looks lost a lot of the time and Bing “Weak Link” Crosby is left in a plume of dust. Why is he billed as the star of this?? His acting is fine and all but the talent around him dominates him so much it’s embarrassing. It also feels like Irving Berlin didn’t put his all into this one. When you compare it to Top Hat (his masterpiece IMO), it kinda feels like he mailed it in a little. But Kaye and Ellen are so great that I can see why this movie is so loved. 3 Santas for White Christmas . Well, that’s it for Holiday Flicks with Billy Disaster. Thank you all that played along! You all get 5 Santas🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼🎅🏼 . I’ll be holding an election for the next genre in a day or two. Merry Christmas!