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Updated: Nov 17, 2022

Chick Flicks With Billy Disaster #1

Last night’s movie was Take This Waltz starring Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen. Written and directed by Sarah Polly.

I hated this movie and I never want to see it again! Not because it was bad or anything, in fact it was actually pretty impressive, but it made me feel terrible and anxious in a number of ways.

In terms of it being a rom-com, its style is somewhat unique, where it avoids the run of the mill feel of a regular Hollywood rom-com, while doing a decent job of playing with the required cliches. Although it was written by the talented Sarah Polly, you can kind of guess that Seth Rogen had a hand in some of the comedy…“I love you so much that I want to gouge your eyes out with a melon baller”.

Set in modern day Toronto, a young married couple in their 20’s (Rogen and Williams) are a bit too comfortable in their marriage. It lacks spice mostly because Rogen is bland and too nice about everything. He’s painfully predictable and boring. It’s like he’s super pussy whipped without being actually pussy whipped. Williams wants their marriage to work but is getting frustrated with Rogen and finds herself infatuated with the handsome and single neighbor who lives across the street.

This neighbor, (Luke Kirby) is a good-looking artist who has an interesting and aggressive way of flirting. The complete opposite of Rogen. As Williams and Kirby develop a steamy yet non-sexual relationship, the dynamic between Rogen and Kirby really becomes exposed. Where, one evening, Rogen declines his wife’s seduction because he’s in the middle of cooking dinner, the next day she’s at a cafe with Kirby where he lets her know what it would be like if they had sex…and it’s hardcore! At first it’s romantically gripping…“I would kiss your eyelids while they fluttered under my lips”…and then it gets really X-rated…“Then I would !@# you in the #$% and then I’d put my $%^ in your #$%^ while I #%$^ on your @#$%”. This puts her over the moon! The result is…well, you’ll have to see it for yourself.

Now why did I hate this? The idea of Mrs. Disaster falling for the handsome neighbor because I wasn’t interesting enough would be my worst nightmare! I guess this flick should inspire everyone to up their game. Also…there are some economic things that just don’t add up…these people live in these extraordinary and expensive homes without having the careers to afford them. Williams and Rogen are struggling freelance writers, and Kirby pulls a fucking rickshaw for a living. I mean, c’mon! Details people!!

If Kirby ever moves across the street from us, I’m gonna TP that home wrecker’s house and pay a little more attention to the Mrs. 3 Roses for Take This Waltz 🌹🌹🌹. Tonight’s movie will be Just Married. ❤️You

Chick Flicks With Billy Disaster #2

Last night’s movie was Just Married starring Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy (RIP). Directed by Shawn Levy🖕.

This pile of shit grossed $101,564,935 in the theaters? What in the hell?? I have a Worst Of Billy Disaster page on my website and this flick is getting a special place on it. Honestly, if you liked this movie, I wish nothing but stubbed toes and charley horses for you.

Kutcher is a sports bar blue collar dude bro who meets Murphy who is from a super wealthy family and they fall in love, get married and go to Europe for their honeymoon and things go wrong and they second guess their decision to get married but everything ends up fine and blah blah fucking blah.

It’s like director, Shawn Levy watched Meet the Parents (classic!) and Bridesmaids (the ultimate classic!) and decided to try his hand at the genre. He must’ve had some compromising photos of producer Robert Simonds to get an $18 million budget to make this because not one gag worked in this flick. They tried over and over and over again but failed every single time.

Kutcher and Murphy were so douchey that I wanted to stab myself in the eyeball. If I had to hear Murphy’s annoying “I’m so cute” giggle again I might have boxed my ears. 1 rose for Just

Married 🌹. Tonight’s movie will be Vicky Cristina Barcelona. You ❤️(except you assholes

that made Just Married🖕 )

Chick Flicks With Billy Disaster #3

Last night’s movie was Vicky Cristina Barcelona starring Javier Bardem and Scarlet Johansson. Written and directed by Woody Allen.

This is the 3rd Woody Allen flick I’ve seen, the others being Manhattan and Annie Hall. This one doesn’t play in the same league but was still a remarkable film. Woody Allen is a creepy weirdo but he makes one hell of a movie.

Vicky (Rebecca Hall) is a tightly wound woman who is engaged to Doug (Chris Messina), a total rich douchebag. She is engaged to him because he represents security and predictability. Cristina (Johansson) is more spontaneous and hasn’t figured out what she’d like to do with her life.

Vicky and Cristina deicide they need to get away, so they travel to Barcelona to stay with Vicky’s relatives for the summer and see the art and architecture.

So they’re hanging out drinking wine and a handsome local named Juan Antonio (Bardem) comes up to their table and asks them if they’re interested in going on a weekend vacation with him where they would take in the sites, party a little and have threesomes. And why wouldn’t he? These chicks are smoking hot and by themselves. He makes the argument that they’re still young and beautiful and in a beautiful place. He’s kind of like the Spanish Pepe Le Pew without being rapey.

Cristina, being the adventurous one is totally down and talks the reluctant Vicky into it. At the end of their 1st day, Vicky, being the no-fun sand in the pants, spends the night in her own

room without gettin down with the menage, leaving Cristina and Juan Antonio to make ❤️ as a duo. Problem is, Cristina comes down with food poisoning during foreplay and ruins the evening.

Then, while Cristina is sick in bed, Vicky and Juan Antonio spend the weekend together. Vicky spends most of her time being bitchy but eventually warms up to him and ends up bangin him

(cheating on her finance ). She knows that Cristina is sprung on this guy and feels guilty, so she keeps it a secret.

Now that Cristina is feeling better, it’s her turn to hang out and bang Juan Antonio while Vicky spends time studying the architecture of the area. Everything goes so well with Juan Antonio and Cristina that she moves in with him! Just as things are settling in, Juan Antonio’s ex-wife

(Penelope Cruz ) shows up and things get interesting. You’ll have to watch for yourself to find out.

Knowing what we all know about Woody Allen, it’s kind of unsettling to watch such a sexual flick made by him. But this was a beautiful, stylish and interesting film with killer performances.

4 Roses for Vicky Cristina Barcelona 🌹🌹🌹🌹. Tonight’s movie will be Two Night Stand.


Chick Flicks With Billy Disaster #4

Last night’s movie was Two Night Stand starring Miles Teller and Lio Tipton. Directed by Max Nichols.

Having been with the formidable Mrs. Disaster since the 1900’s, I have no idea what it would be like to date online or go on an app to hook up with a stranger for a one night stand. Is it really that easy? I imagine it would feel cheap, awkward and maybe a little dangerous. I’ll never know unless The Mrs. kicks me out for being too awesome.

In this flick, Megan (Tipton), a 20something, is stuck in a rut. She’s unemployed, single and her roommate is getting sick of her.

So, one evening she’s feeling a bit randy and gets the courage to get on an app and look for a hookup. She finds a nice enough looking dude named Alec (Teller), goes to his apartment and spends the night with him.

The next morning they wake up to discover that there had been a historic blizzard and she’s stuck at his place. Now they’re forced to kind of get to know each other and initially it doesn’t go well. But after a few comedic events, they learn to get along and decide to critique each other on the sex they had the night before and letting each other know what they could have done better. Armed with all of this new info, they decide to try and have sex again and the results are much better.

Then a bunch of predictable chick flick shit happens but that’s fine. Ultimately, I found this to be a pretty cool study of modern dating. I loved the open communication about sex and they

peppered in some pretty good one liners. 3 Roses for Two Night Stand 🌹🌹🌹. Tonight’s

movie will be Eurovision. ❤️You

Chick Flicks With Billy Disaster #5

Last night’s movie was Eurovision: The Story of Fire Saga starring Will Ferrell and Rachel

McAdams ❤️. Directed by David Dobkin.

NEW CELEBRITY GIRLFRIEND ALERT 🚨!! Congratulations to Rachel McAdams! Hey

Rachel...Are you a parking ticket? Cuz you’ve got “fine” written all over you!

We all know that Will Ferrell is naturally funny. If he were to read us the Bible out loud we would all be rolling on the ground clutching our sides begging him to stop.

Ferrell plays Lars, a man-child whose lifelong dream is to represent his home country of Iceland in the Eurovision music contest, kind of like the American Idol of Europe. His best friend Sigrit (the SMOKIN HOT McAdams) is his music partner and they have been preparing for the contest by composing and rehearsing their entry song under the band name Fire Saga. They also play small gigs at their small village’s local hangout but the villagers don’t want to hear their Eurovision song, they want their favorite, “Ja Ja Ding Dong”. Naively undeterred, Lars and Sigrit plow ahead with their goal of getting into the contest, which they do, and they advance through a series of mishaps.

What we get is an average Will Ferrell flick with the usual friendly comedy and predictable story line. There are a few quality runnings the “At least I don’t think she’s my sister.” bit that got me laughing each time.

There is a side character antagonist named Alexander (Dan Stevens) that is worth mentioning. He’s a super flamboyant and successful Eurovision veteran that would have stolen the whole show had it not been for my new celeb fling. Hey Rachel! Did you sit in some sugar? Cuz your

ass is SWEET! 3 Roses for Eurovision: The Story of Fire Saga 🌹🌹🌹. Tonight’s movie will be

She’s Funny That Way.



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